Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
