I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
