So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
