Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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