I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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