Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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