i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
