I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
