I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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