after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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