i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
