I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
