i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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