I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
