cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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