Acid is not a monday night drug
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
