i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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