Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
