I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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