i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
