Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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