The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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