I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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