I'm so fucking centered right now
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
