no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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