it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Welp...herpes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also, beer. Big fan.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
