He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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