My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
