why didn't you poke me back
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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