I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
