i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
