I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
