Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
