Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
