Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
