are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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