I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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