I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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