She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
