this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
