dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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