the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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