Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
