I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
