Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
