I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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