We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
