1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
bring money and cleavage
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
