girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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