either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
