he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize