yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
