pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
