So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
