I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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