It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
