Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
