That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
