i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
