bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
