alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
