i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize