Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
