Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
