I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
