do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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