If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
