Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
