NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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