Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
