Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
