idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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