I wanna passion pit in your ass
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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