We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
