If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
