So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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